I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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