I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
