hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
