Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
