I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
