Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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