epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
