hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
