So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
