my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
