nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
