Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
