youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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