The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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