Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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