I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
