i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
