So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
please don't ironically join a cult
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