haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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