Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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