At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
