she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
