you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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