it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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