I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
