My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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