1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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