i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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