You just made me feel so damn special
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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