if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
