never play flip cup with pint glasses
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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