you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
