I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
