im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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