oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
