At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
