I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize