saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize