Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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