I can text with my tongue
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
