We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my shit smells like andre
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
