I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
