Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
