Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
