my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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