FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
