I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
