it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
