where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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