Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
