Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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