At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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