For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
