He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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