they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
