Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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