You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
