Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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