I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
