I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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