So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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