she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
