I can text with my tongue
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
