It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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